its deep down here between this broken concrete,

         we have been waiting for you to come with that bag of silver dust.

I am a thorn cutting through skin

I am a scream covered by ice

I am a firefly tripping over truth

I am sadness unheard

I am a day waiting to be greeted

I am sleep that's been robbed

I am naked blindfolded with holly

Let me tell you where I am in this moment................

I am the roar of a lion protecting its cubs

I am a hand being squeezed until it's broken

I am an adult trying to nurture its child's needs

I am letting go and I am holding on

I am expectation and I am wiser

I am hurt folded in half

I am the lie that speaks "it's ok"

I am the forest before it's seen

I am a knowing unmet

I am softness in secret

I am a cigarette smoked after sex

I am the alarm that's hidden under a counter

I am a dream being caught

I am life without time

I am an earthquake that never grew up

I am summer remembered with warmth

I am black eating a peacock

I am a lock too strong for your hands to open

I am not a whisper

I am a 1000 wolves howling at the moon

I am hunger that's waiting to go home

I am resistance collecting her award

I am patience waiting for nothing

These recent days of being in the company of another have been both beautiful and painful and I am pleased they have ended; I didn’t realize how much I have been holding in my very short life, Its so hard being here, so hard to be myself and find my centre. I feel like an uncomfortable child and I guess that’s also where my healing is.

My intention has been and is to follow my truth whatever that means and I am now so tender and sad that all I thought I was is falling away leaving me turbulent, lost, sad and still I am now held by knowing that I am becoming who I always was but now with a genuine and knowing trust in myself.

My vulnerability is where all this energy lies, accepting that I am lost, not knowing where my journey moves to. That’s my truth. I love you that’s my truth, I’m scared that’s my truth, part of me feels like I’m dying, that’s my truth. I can only stretch to look after myself right now, please meet, accept and love me in this complicated, selfish and troubled space.